Here are two lists I’ve written in the last two days. They aren’t quite complete but I think the general idea gets across. Also, in the comments from the previous post Marco requested I provide photographic evidence of my black, white and red years. I don’t normally post photos of myself on the blog but I will make this exception, here are three photobooth pictures of myself, circa 2003 (there are so many more examples but oh my god, they are embarrassing).THINGS THAT AREN’T SCARY IN MOVIES BUT ARE TERRIFYING IN REAL LIFE:
-Reality turning from black and white to colour
-If a stranger (no matter how attractive) decides unbeknownst to you that they love you and vigorously romantically pursues you
-The thoughts that all locks could be picked in seconds with a hairpin
-Getting hit with a baseball while watching a major league baseball game
-Someone that decides to disregard all of their professional aspirations and start a longterm relationship with a prostitute they’ve known for a few days
-Finding a snake in your boot
-The casual use of very strong drugs
-Sitting in the passenger seat when the person driving only looks at you instead of the road
-Magic
NAMES I WOULD GIVE MY ENEMIES’ BABIES, IF GIVEN THE RESPONSIBILITY:
-Olga
-Poop
-Quintavius
-Adolf
-Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia
-The Chosen One
-Eggwine
-T.E.R.R.O.R.I.S.T
-Carrot Top
i might find magic thrilling. it depends on its use.
ReplyDeleteoh, and i had a red, white and black phase, too. grade eight. it went with tight pony tails and bangs. but i am too lazy to keep things up.
ReplyDeleteThere's a snake in my boot! Classic.
ReplyDeleteYou should send these in to McSweeney's, they could use another book of lists and I think you've got what it takes!
ReplyDeleteOther names you should consider giving to your enemies' babies:
ReplyDeleteDrusilla
Uma Shale
Brian
Ingstri
These are all real names (except for the last one - that's the letter combo I had to type to post this comment).
You should look to me for inspiration because I enter names into a computer system all day every day.
If you educated yourself in the art of picking locks with hairpins, that thought would no longer induce terror but instead the exhilaration of opportunity. Conquering fears one step at a time.
ReplyDelete"Posting more photos of myself in the blog" should be in your 2011 TO DO list!
ReplyDeletewhat happens if I ask for more??
last time worked :)
nice try Marco, but it's gonna be a while until you get more embarrassing photos.
ReplyDeletehahahahaha, Eggwine. That's so disgusting.
ReplyDelete